I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
