Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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