Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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