If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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