OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
