YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i've created a new STD.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
