I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your dad touched me again.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
