Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
