he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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