Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
