Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She bit a glass in half.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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