Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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