Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
