ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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