Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
