its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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