If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
