Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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