I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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