It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
