It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
