This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
