I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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