i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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