I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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