I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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