can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
