I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
