K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
