Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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