I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
