the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
