She announced her abortion via fbk
i think i have two assholes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
