I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Rumble strips road head = magical
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
