You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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