Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
