ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
