i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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