I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were destined to go to rehab together
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.