Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
