Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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