Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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