i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
