Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
