Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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