I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
