Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
