There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
