I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
