There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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