Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
