My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
