so explain again why im purple
no
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i think i scared a bird with my dick
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
