btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
