you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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