I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
