So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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