where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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