just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
