It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
