I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
