and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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