that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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