hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
