His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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