ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
