I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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