i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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