Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Life is so much better after having sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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