were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
