Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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