We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
