i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
