You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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