I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
