i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
