I hope mine doesn't look like that
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
