And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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