The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The power of my boobs compel you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
