The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
