Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
