For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
