the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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