my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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