How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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