we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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