Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
