Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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