this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
