If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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