im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
